The Edutainment Vortex Diner. Logo is a wacky cartoon font. Art depicts a cartoon diner on an asteroid floating in space in front of a blue cosmic spiral.


A Weird Retro PC Game From the Creators of Arcade Spirits

Welcome to the Edutainment Vortex Diner! A collection of classic 80s and 90s educational games that didn't actually exist in your universe, and yet, here we are. Obviously the goal is to learn all about science and history and math, and there's no strange cosmic horror twist to anything, right? Also you can make sandwiches!

Meet your teachers -- Miss Monday (Time), Omegus Septum (Science), Sir Rox-a-Lot (History), Detective Inque Wells (Literature) and The Great Zephyr (Math). They are unfathomable beings that span the infinite stretches of time and space and not delusional lost souls in need of a kid to solve the mystery of their existence. Stop insisting the game is anything like that. It's just educational. That's all.

The full game will be available for free on December 7th, thanks to the support of our community!


Coming Soon to Windows, Mac,
Linux, and SteamDeck!



Obligatory Feature List

Screenshot of Sir Rox-a-Lot and Miss Monday. Rox is drawn as text characters, Miss Monday is a full motion video character. Monday says: It's all about having a positive attitude! Existence may be a grinding hellscape of pain and frustration, but a bright smile helps! Screenshot of the cartoon diner in space. Text reads: Choose your next lesson! Options are time, history, science, writing, and math. Screenshot of an old text adventure game on an amber monochrome monitor. Text describes a parking lot and offers verbs such as examine, move, think, and inventory. Screenshot of The Great Zephyr, a stage magician in a casino-like room. She says: I'm here to dazzle you with my mathemagic tricks, and give you a peek behind the curtain so you can learn them too! Screenshot of Omegus, a black male in heavy robes in a technology-laiden warlike room. He says: Hear me now, Cadet-Aspirant! Know that it is the year 400000 of the Greater Ixian Empire. Four hundred millenia of glory! Screenshot of a biblically accurate angel with six wings and a giant eyeball, floating in front of the interface. Distorted text reads: Preach to me, o Scion of the Diner.

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